chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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