I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
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Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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