Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
