so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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