Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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