Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
