I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
