Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
