Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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