called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
