he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
