he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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