tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
