Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
