The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
