So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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