but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Boobs are out for the taking
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
