there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
