kristin has been a bad kristin
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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