thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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