Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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