Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
