a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
