New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
