Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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