You really coming over, don't trick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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