did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
