not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
