Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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