I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
