just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
