haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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