It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Someone shit on the floor
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
