I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
