Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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