im drinking this country out of the recession.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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