New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
