I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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