The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
