Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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