he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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