Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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