Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
