yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
