so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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