He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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