i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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