God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
