How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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