Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
