New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
