I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
