I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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