Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
