I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
