I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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