you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
