I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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