i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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