I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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