Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All the doctor said was why
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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