well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
