I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
